


Time of Dying

by SweetDreamsAreMadeOfNaruto



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Bottom Hatake Kakashi, Drama, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, KakaObi, M/M, OBKK - Freeform, ObiKaka, POV Hatake Kakashi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Seme Uchiha Obito, Slash, Suicide Attempt, Top Uchiha Obito, Uke Hatake Kakashi, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:53:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7818655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetDreamsAreMadeOfNaruto/pseuds/SweetDreamsAreMadeOfNaruto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi is tired of living. Some say it’s because of experiences, others say it’s in the blood. Either way, Kakashi has it both. Death might just be the peace he can never reach as long as he wanders the earth. He has fought it, but now he’s done fighting.</p><p>“Dad. I’m coming. There’s nothing left here for me anymore.”</p><p>Obito disapproves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time of Dying

**Author's Note:**

> A Chinese translation by kelakair is now available at: http://ururu293.lofter.com/post/1e55b98f_ce4994a

Life has been tough for Kakashi Hatake.

He lost his mother at birth. As far back as his memories go he could never remember her, so he couldn’t miss her ─ but he always felt that something _was_ missing. Still, life was good. He trained with his father. Played. Had some friends. Those few, happy years are hard to remember. It was so long ago, and Kakashi’s memory of his early childhood is shady.

When he was six years old his father became depressed. Sakumo hid it from his son, but Kakashi noticed. He was drunk, at times. Was too tired to spend time with him. As a boy Kakashi thought it would pass. He didn’t know so well what was going on more than that his dad was feeling down and acted strange. It frightened him, at times. But he thought it would get better.

It didn’t.

A few weeks later he had found his father’s dead body in their living room.

Kakashi remembers of how he stood frozen and stared, for a long time, knowing but not wanting to believe. It was war and already at that age Kakashi could make out the unmistakable smell of death. But he couldn’t believe it ─ he didn’t want to believe it.

Then he shook him, tried to wake him up. He was too late ─ if only he’d gotten home earlier, then maybe─

Finally ─ the eyes. Warm and kind and turned into blank and empty.

That had been the start of what changed everything.

The loss of his father took hard on Kakashi. The fact was not helped by him being forced to grow up by himself. He had no other relatives. He was completely and utterly alone and scared. In his dreams, his found the corpse of his father over and over again. Cold. Stiff. Lifeless.

The eyes haunted him.

Kakashi continued his ninja training, but several things changed. Rules. Rules and regulations were important, more important than they had ever been before.  If one did not follow rules, one ended like his father. Kakashi had never been a very social child and he quickly became even more closed off than before. He kept to himself. Lost the few friends he had. In lack of any other way to deal with the situation, Kakashi started hating his father. For leaving him. For being a disgrace. For breaking the rules. Hating was easier and less painful to do than to love someone you’ve lost. Kakashi told himself that he hated him. He murmured it to himself as he fell asleep until he believed it himself. Or almost, anyway. He never managed to convince himself completely.

In class he was a genius. He had always been gifted, learning new things had always been easy for him. When his father was gone all that was left for him was training and studying.

First when he was placed on Team Minato did things start to change. He got an adult figure in his life again. Comrades. Kakashi tried to ignore his growing fondness of his team. Emotions were dangerous. They had made his father end his life and Kakashi knew from experience of losing someone just how much they can hurt. Kakashi was scared of few things. His biggest fear was emotions, attachments to other people.

Obito changed that. He made him see that he couldn’t just cast them aside. Emotions and feelings may be a dangerous, but they were also what made life worth living. What made him human. It was what made people truly strong. Obito died in his place that day, only asking one thing of him in return: ‘Please. Protect Rin’ _.  Protect the girl I love_.

Kakashi knew he’d die a hundred times over to keep that promise. Anyone who wanted to get to Rin would have to step over his dead body. Nobody would hurt her. Kakashi wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

So was what he had thought. If there was one thing in life Kakashi needed to accomplish, that was it. 

He failed.

He was used as a tool to commit suicide.  It was Rin’s choice and it was for the good of the village. She died by the hand of the boy she loved. To Kakashi, it made no difference. None of those things mattered. He was the one who had to see the light leave her eyes right in front of him. Perhaps, had Rin know about his past, she would have found another way, any other alternative to end her life than by Kakashi’s unwilling hand.

The nightmares returned, along with the feeling of blood on his fingers, blood that he could never wash off, no matter how hard or long he kept scrubbing them. There was no way to get them clean. It wouldn’t come off. It was always there, a constant reminder of how he couldn’t keep his promise, of how he was the one who really killed Rin.

Blood was stuck between his fingers. Blood ran down his arm. Kakashi could still feel how her heart clenched one last time around his hand before it stopped to never beat again.

Minato was still there, though. It was little of comfort, but he was there, he was something, and he and Kushina was all there was left.

Then, the nine-tails.

They died too. No matter how many Anbu missions Kakashi threw himself in, he always cheated death without really wanting to. He took unnecessary risks, completed S-classed solo missions in record time. He tried to work until he was too tired to dream anything at night, but rarely was sleep kind enough to give him rest. Anbu made him kill over and over again. See death after death. Anbu helped his imaginations grow more detailed, more vivid, as he learned of more and more ways of dying.

His sleeping mind got more creative.

Anbu made it worse, but without Anbu, he had nothing.

He grew even more detached.

At barely the age of twenty-two, he was done with life. It happened sometime after Itachi went berserk and killed his clan. Kakashi had to dispose of one too many Uchiha corpses. He had tried to deny himself this escape for so long by telling himself that it would disrespect Obito, make his sacrifice meaningless. But he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. Obito was _dead_.

He wrote a note, some messy clutter on worn-out, sallow paper. If nobody else, the Hokage would miss him. He was valuable to Konoha. Kakashi didn’t care, war was over and he had been fighting for his village for over a decade. Being a shinobi had stolen his childhood.  It was enough ─ he knew he had done more than his share. There was peace in the shinobi world now, peace for everyone but him, and it was a good time to die. He didn’t need to feel like he was breaking any responsibilities, risking anybody else’s life.

He’d be a loss, but Konoha would make do without him. The Will of Fire would carry on.

As for his own fire, it had been long dying.

Kakashi walked one last time to the memorial stone, murmuring apologies to Obito. His thumb stoked the engraved name in a last goodbye, of sorts. At the same time, it was the very opposite ─ a hello, a call that he was on his way.

“I’m sorry. I’ll meet you soon.”

With that, he left for the woods outside of Konoha. For some reason, dying outside felt better. Obito had. Rin too, as well as his sensei. Dying inside made a mess. It gave others a harder work of cleaning up. There was no reason for his apartment to smell bad.

Maybe animals would dispose of him, and nobody would have to find his corpse. At least this way, it was less likely Gai or Tenzo found it. He had learned a thing or two from his father’s suicide.

Don’t attempt it inside.

Don’t attempt it where someone who cares about you can find the body. Especially not a child. Whatever you do, do not let a child find your corpse. If you are the child’s single living relative, this is especially important.

A few hours later, Kakashi stopped at an isolated part of the forest. He had been throwing glances at this place for a few months.

No ─ by now, it had been years.

It was a small clearing and the trees around it grew so thick that the wind was broken. The air was still and smelled thick of earth, decomposing leaves and fir trees. The woods in this area were dense and difficult to travel through. Civilians and shinobi alike avoided this part of the forest and choose to travel around it instead of through it.

Kakashi had found it by mistake one night he had been injured from a mission. He hadn’t been able to reach Konoha that day and had been forced to seek shelter from a storm. That time, Minato and Kushina had still been alive and he hadn’t thought much of the lonely place hidden deep inside the most unreachable parts of the Fire Country. But he never forgot about it, and the circumstances had changed.

Kakashi took a deep breath.

Death.

He would embrace it.

He knew he wouldn’t regret doing this. He had wanted it for so many years. It was not an impulsive decision, it had been long coming.

Kakashi lifted his right hand, lighting coming from it as he concentrated his chakra into his fingertips. A few siskins startled and rose to the sky, rustling the leaves and thin branches. Kakashi watched his Chidori for a moment, the bluish light so bright it almost was blinding. This hand had killed so many people. Finally now, he might get it clean. Perhaps there was a way to wash away Rin’s blood, after all. He had tried soaps, hot water ─ nothing had worked. He had never tried to wash it with his own blood. He had a feeling that it would work. The more he thought about it, the more confident he became.

Of course. It was so simple.

Finally.

He’d be free.

He closed his eyes, taking comfort in the familiar sounds. Crying birds. Death approaching. But this time, not for an unwilling soul. Not for someone who wanted to keep on living. For him.

“Dad.” An exhale. “I’m coming. There’s nothing left for me here anymore.”

Kakashi positioned the hand towards his heart.

_Forgive me for ever faulting you for doing this._

His blazing hand moved.

Kakashi knew what would happen.  The electric shock. The flash of pain. The smell of burnt flesh. It would be quick and fast. Then, it would be all over.

Something stopped him just before his hand cut into his rib-cage. Within a heartbeat, his arm was twisted behind his back. He was pushed forward and fell. A weight fell with him, on him, and pinned him down. One foot stepped on his free arm to hold it in place and a hand ripped his mask down. Fingers were pressed into his mouth, ─ a precaution ─ Kakashi realized, so he wouldn’t be able to bite his tongue off and kill himself that way.

“Don’t you dare, Kakashi,” a low, furious voice growled next to his ear.

Kakashi didn’t know who he expected it to be, because he had been positive he was alone, but he thought that at the very least he’d recognize the voice.

He didn’t.

Or maybe he did, but he couldn’t place it.

The way he was called Kakashi signified that the owner of the voice knew him personally, though Kakashi couldn’t remember where they’d met before. The emotional attachment ─ the way he spoke ─ only further strengthened this assumption. Perhaps they had worked together in Anbu on some occasion. Kakashi relaxed slightly at the fact that his meddler must be a Konoha shinobi and that this wasn’t an enemy attack, and his readiness to fight turned into frustration over being stopped when he had come so close to demise he could taste it.

Kakashi glanced to his right to uncover the identity of the one responsible for his non-death. What he saw was something did not expect ─ a Mangekyou Sharingan staring back at him through the hole of a full face mask. He flinched.

The Uchiha had been killed. All of them. What remained were the coldblooded murderer, Itachi, and his little traumatized brother. This was definitely not Itachi.

So who was he?

His dark hair was thick and wild, long enough to reach well below his shoulders. His demeanor was intimidating and the pattern on his mask resembled the strips of a tiger. But what really puzzled Kakashi was the eye ─ had there been a survivor, or was this someone who had had the kekkei genkai implanted? Why hadn’t Kakashi heard of him before? How had he activated the Mangekyou? Why was he saving him and how had he been able to follow him?

It shouldn’t have been possible for anyone to sneak up on him, especially not in this terrain. Not even for a ninja. But this man… somehow, he had.

Kakashi turned his head to get the gloved hand out of his mouth so he could speak, but a thumb under his chin held hard and the fingers stayed in his mouth. His arm was pulled even further back. Kakashi groaned and pressed his forehead against the ground when it was stretched beyond its natural range of motion.

“Move, and I’ll break your arm in half!”

Kakashi’s hand was pinned to his back with a knee and his second arm got pulled back too. Both arms was then tied together, the masked man using one hand and an occasional knee with only minor difficulties to get the task done ─ not trusting Kakashi enough to let his teeth anywhere near his tongue. Kakashi didn’t fight. He didn’t want to injure a fellow shinobi, especially not when he was about to rob Konoha of the Copy-Nin, but he didn’t know whether he should be impressed or insulted someone dared treat him this way.

From the way Kakashi had been caught so easily and the way the man had sneaked up on him undetected, Kakashi realized that whoever this was, he was skilled. It wasn’t any use. Fighting was futile, and unnecessary. He didn’t need to do it right now. Kakashi would get plenty of times to kill himself later if he wanted to. If a jonin truly wants to die, it’s not easy to force life upon him.

Apparently, the other picked up on his line of thought, because another low growl was heard at the back of his throat.

“Don’t you ever try that again!”

The gloved fingers between his teeth got damp, for some reason making Kakashi feel self-aware and embarrassed. It wasn’t his fault the other insisted on keeping them there. Maybe indirectly, perhaps, but Kakashi didn’t ask for a hand to be shoved into his mouth.

He didn’t ask to be saved from himself.

For the first time since his capture, Kakashi made a sound of protest, trying to convey the message to get the hell out of his mouth already.

“I don’t trust you.”

The answer was cold, but firm and unwavering. The hand was pressed further in, making Kakashi’s jaw ache. A red eye captured his grey one.

“If I take my hand away, promise you won’t kill yourself.”

Kakashi couldn’t promise that ─ well, he could, but not if he intended to keep it. He looked away, accepting to have fingers in his mouth until the other got tired of it. The temptation to bite the intruding hand was there, but Kakashi dismissed it. Had he not just tried to commit suicide, had he not just been ready to die, a step away from death, then perhaps he would have had more will to fight. Kakashi never knew how exhausting suicide attempts were. He reckoned most people didn’t, since if they succeed they couldn’t tell.

It didn’t matter. He’d be dragged back to Konoha and the Hokage would be disappointed, but really, there was nothing else they could do. He was Kakashi the Copy Ninja, son of the White Fang and one of Konoha’s most respected shinobi. They couldn’t deny him death if that was what he wanted.

This would, however, make a much bigger fuss about it.

The other made an irritated sound. “Do you know who I am?”

Kakashi shook his head as well as he managed to with his restricted movements. He did not know, but now that he was asked, again Kakashi got the feeling there seemed to be something vaguely familiar with him. Kakashi had to admit that some form of curiously had been sparked when he had seen his Sharingan. He shouldn’t have forgotten someone with the Sharingan so easily. Somebody with the Sharingan, except for Itachi and himself, wasn’t supposed to exist.

“Fine. If this is what it takes… I have no choice. Perhaps you will listen to _me_.”

He removed his mask with an irritated flick of his wrist and turned Kakashi’s head to look back over his shoulder. He leaned closer, breath washing over his face.

“Don’t kill yourself, Kakashi.”

Kakashi’s eye widened and he made a choked sound as he recognized the man.

Obito.

But it wasn’t _possible_.

He looked older, different ─ but it was unmistakably him. The deep scars on the right side of his face only proved it truly was the same boy that had been crushed underneath the rocks. His boyish featured were long lost and gone, replaced with the face of a grown man. The change in appearances was one thing, but the most evident difference lay in the air around him.

Bright and warm charisma had turned into a dark and cold atmosphere. 

“Do not kill yourself, _Ka-ka-shi_.”

The words were repeated, slower, eyes flashing in anger ─ two crimson eyes. How did he get another Sharingan?

Kakashi gulped, and gave him a nod. Obito narrowed his eyes, trying to make up his mind whether or not to believe him, but eventually moved his hand away.

“Obito,” Kakashi panted. “How─ Why──? I─ “

“Shut up, Kakashi.” Obito spun him around, pressing him to the ground as he straddled him. “How _dare_ you?”

“I’m sorry. I just─ I didn’t want to live anymore.”

“So I noticed,” Obito snarled. “Obviously.”

“Forgive me.”

“For what? Failing to protect Rin, or throwing away my sacrifice like it was fucking _nothing_?”

His tongue was tied. What could he possibly say?

“Everything.”

“To hell with you, you _bastard_! If I hadn’t been at the fucking right place in the fucking right time, you’d be dead now!”

“Obito─ “

“Why!?”

“All there have been is death all around me. I can’t wash the blood of my hands. I’m tired. I feel dead, emotionally. I just wanted to be freed of it all. And… I wanted… hoped I would see you again.”

“You wanted to see me so badly you’d kill yourself for it?”

“You were one of the reasons.”

Obito glared at him, his jaw clenching before he spoke again. “I’m here. What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything from you. I don’t deserve anything from you. You’ve done enough.”

“No, you don’t get it,” Obito hissed. “What do I have to do to make sure you never do that again?”

Kakashi didn’t need to think long. “Come back to Konoha with me.”

“That’s the one thing I cannot do, Kakashi.”

Deep inside, Kakashi knew it. He had lost him; there was no way of getting him back. The dead don’t return to life. This had to be a product of his imagination ─ perhaps he really had gone mad.

“Then, please…” he asked. “Take away the blood from my hands. It won’t come off. I can’t do it on my own.”

Kakashi felt desperate. He couldn’t keep living like this. He felt hollow, but something was clenching around his heart and the pressure threatened to make it explode. Surely, there must be something Obito could do. If anyone could help him, if there was any help at all, Obito must know the answer. After all, it was his promise Kakashi had broken, the blood covering his hands were Rin’s, but also the blood of the girl Obito loved.

Obito’s eyes softened. “I’m sorry. I─ “

“ _Please_. Do something. Hurt me. Make me pay for not keeping my promise. Ease this guilt that’s drowning me, if only by a fraction─ “

Obito leaned closer, lips brushing against the shell of his ear.  His voice dropped. “What do you want me to do, Kakashi?” he growled.

“Abuse me,” Kakashi breathed. “I can feel your anger ─ take it out on me. Make me feel alive again. Kill me. I don’t care. Do what you want ─ just don’t _leave_. Not again. It doesn’t matter if you’re a ghost, an enemy or a hallucination; as long as you’re with me I won’t make another attempt on my life.”

“I can’t stay here forever.”

“Then─ just for now─ “

Obito straightened, eyes narrowing. He pulled off his gloves. “Do you know what you’re asking for?”

It was a warning. The Obito he knew from his past would never have hurt him, but this man, this Obito ─ he was fully capable of doing it. Kakashi’s intuition was telling him to get the hell out of there ─ begging him to leave ─ and the danger made his body tingle. Kakashi wouldn’t move, refused to back down, adamantly ignoring what had saved him many times before. He didn’t want to be saved anymore. He didn’t need to be saved. Not from Obito.

“No. But it doesn’t matter. I won’t regret this. Obito… I need your judgment.”

Obito put one hand on each side of his head, leaning closer again. “I can do that.”

“Please.”

“On one condition.” Obito fished up one of Kakashi’s kunai, cutting the rope that held Kakashi’s hands tied back behind him.

“Anything.”

His hands got free and Kakashi moved them away from the uncomfortable position they had been tied to earlier. Then, he didn’t know what to do with them. He didn’t dare touch Obito. As real as it felt, it could all be an illusion. If that was the case, Kakashi didn’t want to break it just yet. For once, he wanted to keep on dreaming.

“Don’t judge yourself again. Don’t try to escape life. You are not to die until I give you permission, do you get that, Kakashi? No more suicide attempts again. Ever.”

Was he really just going to swear something to a man of his hallucination?

Oh, screw it. He’d pretend this was real.

“I won’t try to kill myself again, Obito. I promise.”

“Just make sure you don’t break this one.”

A twinge of guilt. He had failed Obito, he had broken his promise, he hadn’t been able to protect Rin, and he was _trash_. Kakashi’s eyes strayed to his right, not really focusing on anything.

“I won’t.”

Obito zipped the chunin west open and tugged it off. He tore the dark jumper off him, pulling it off one piece at a time, making the cloth cut into his skin as it was pulled apart.

The pain was welcome, any pain caused by Obito was welcome, because Obito had taken a boulder for him and few things could compare to that.

Some say that pain is a proof you’re awake, but that had never been accurate for Kakashi. He felt pain in his dreams ─ not always, of course ─ but more often than he would have liked. Impossible as this might be, everything felt too real to not be. Had his perception of reality really been so blurred he couldn’t tell the difference anymore? What had become of him?

With the clothes out of the way, Obito let his fingernails drag down his arms, from shoulder to wrist, slowly creating five beautifully red lines behind each hand.

Kakashi winced, but kept his arms still against his side without fail. Blood zipped up from the scratches to run down his pale arms into the grass.

“Look at me,” Obito ordered.

Kakashi did. He watched Obito take off his dark cloak and pull the fishnet shirt over his head. He was in peak condition, of course ─ but not quite as lean as Kakashi. Kakashi’s eye lingered at the sight of his white, right arm, but he chose not to comment on it. Obito lifted one of Kakashi’s hands and made his hand run down the scarred side of his body. He lifted the hand up again, this time putting it to the smooth, unharmed side.

“Make me bleed.”

He didn’t want to. He had seen Obito bleeding enough. He didn’t want any more blood on his hands. Obito pushed one of Kakashi’s nails into his skin, making a single drop of claret run down his muscular chest.

He had asked Obito to punish him, and this was it. He deserved this. Perhaps, somehow, it would help him move on. He forced himself to dig his nails into Obito’s warm skin, forced himself to look as he did and so, painfully slowly, pulled his nails down Obito’s chest and stomach.

Obito made a soft hiss and Kakashi tried to pull his hand away, but Obito kept it there, making sure he would draw the bleeding rents all the way down.

His fingertips were sticky with blood. Obito’s blood. His heart picked up speed. Kakashi’s uncovered eye was pulled towards his hand. It twitched.

And he knew.

He knew he would never be able to wash it off.

Obito took his wrist, brought his hands to his mouth and licked the blood off his pinky. He looked up to meet Kakashi’s gaze, darkness flashing though his eyes as he moved on to slowly lick his next finger, lips closing around it to suck it clean. Kakashi swallowed, unable to break eye contact with his dead teammate.  After sucking the blood away from four of his fingers, he pushed Kakashi’s thumb into the Copy-Nin’s mouth, making him taste the unmistakable coppery taste.

Obito pulled his hand out in front of his face again. “Look. It’s gone.” He pressed the hand against his heart, making Kakashi feel the beat under his fingers. “I’m still alive.”

For once, his hand was clean. It was true, the blood was gone. Kakashi couldn’t see it, he couldn’t feel it and if Obito told him so it must be true. He breathed out slowly, a sigh of relief as he closed his eyes, feeling Obito’s heart, the _warm,_ _alive_ , _beating_ heart under his palm.

“You’re alive,” he echoed, then; “How can you be alive?”

“That’s not of your concern.”

Kakashi nodded, obediently. It didn’t matter; at least, it didn’t matter right now. Obito leaned closer, the scent of him falling over Kakashi like a blanket. Obito brushed the hair on his neck back. Warm lips touched his skin; he felt Obito’s soft exhale and a wet tongue lick his throat. Kakashi shivered, delicious shudders reaching deep into his core.

Fingernails were dragged down over his torso. His collarbone was nipped at, discoloured marks was sucked into his skin. Obito’s thumbs pressed hard into his ribs, making Kakashi moan.

Kakashi’s hands gripped into Obito’s shoulder.

“…don’t stop.”

Obito hummed, fingernails scratching down the sides of his rib-cage. Kakashi welcomed the pain, but twisted at the pleasure.

“I can show you a whole new level of alive, Kakashi.”

A hand was put over his clothed groin and a wave of heat pulsed between his legs. Kakashi choked on a moan at his arousal. He didn’t doubt Obito’s words. He threw his head to the side, breathing turning shallow.

“ _Use me_.”

Obito’s fingers moved and Kakashi buckled his hips upwards into his hand.

“Dangerous words, Kakashi.”

Obito’s hand left his groin and almost teasingly slid down to caress his inner thighs instead.

“I might overstep my boundaries. You need to be more specific. What do you want?”

“Anything you do to me. There are no boundaries. I meant what I said, Obito. I’ve lived, but I’ve been numb for so long. Make me feel again. I don’t care how you do it. I don’t care how far you go. Do what you want with me.”

Obito caught his wandering hand. He hadn’t even realized he had tried to touch himself until then.

“Giving yourself up to someone who doesn’t have a heart is a risky thing, Kakashi.”

Didn’t have a heart? Obito had always had the biggest heart Kakashi had ever known to exist. But of course, he had killed Rin, and with her death, Obito’s heart must have perished. Kakashi didn’t want to think any more about it. Thinking of Rin always made him feel ill.

Obito distracted him when his wrist was pinned down next to his head. Fingers dug into his skin. When Kakashi whimpered in pain, rather than easing the grip, the pressure around his arm increased, making his arm ache all the way down to the bone.

Kakashi’s eyes squinted shut and he made a hoarse groan of agony.

“Can’t take it?”

“Stay,” Kakashi barely managed to hiss out between the waves of pain that flowed through his arm, reaching all the way up to his shoulders.

Kakashi glanced at Obito through a slit of his eyelashes, catching the ghost of a smirk on his features.

For a while, Kakashi thought his arm would break, but Obito let him go instead of hurting him further. The pain in his arm was crippling, so much he was barely able to move it at all, but even this was something Kakashi was glad to accept. Psychical pain hurt less than emotional, after all. Obito’s hands moved down his body once again, this time without using nails or force ─ they barely ghosted over his skin, raising goose bumps under his touch. His head dropped and his tongue barely licked on one of his nipples, a thumb brushing over the other simultaneously. Kakashi squirmed.  The pain was not forgotten, but it seemed to fade into something much less noticeable.

Obito’s mouth touched his skin again as he kissed his way down Kakashi’s stomach and down over his pants. The warm breath through the material made Kakashi arch back, a low sound at the back of his throat.

Obito looked him, raising a sly eyebrow. “No requests?”

“No,” Kakashi panted with difficulty. His fingernails dug into earth. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Mm?” Obito brushed his lips against his bulge. Kakashi let out a low groan as his erection stirred. “And If I want you to ask?”

“Touch me,” Kakashi growled.

“Better.” Obito smirked, biting hard into his hipbone. Kakashi flinched. The teeth driven into his skin managed to distract him from noticing that Obito pulled his last pieces of clothing away, but as cool air hit skin he jerked in sudden awareness.

Obito’s hand took him, moving up his length once.

Kakashi pulled Obito closer to himself by his hair. Obito leaned in the last distance by himself and licked his inner thigh. Kakashi fidgeted and Obito bit into his flesh, drawing blood and making Kakashi whimper and turn still. Obito pulled his tongue over his sensitive, bruised skin.

His hand pumped Kakashi’s cock and Kakashi moaned. His other hand traced the crack of his ass and when Obito’s pressed a finger against his hole, Kakashi gasped. Normally, he’d never want to be in this position, because it made him feel valuable. He did not like to lack control over situations ─ it was dangerous and it could end in death of someone’s part far too easily.

But Obito… he could take everything.

Kakashi wanted to give him everything.

He wanted Obito to take anything he wanted from him. He wanted Obito to take claim to everything he was, because the only reason he existed was Obito, the only reason he had kept living was because of him. He wanted to be in his mercy, to surrender to him completely.

And this… besides his life, this might be the only thing he had that he’d never given anyone else before. He had been with women, he had been with men ─ but he had never let anyone take him ─ not like this.

Obito took his hand away, wetting his index- and middle finger and pressed them both into him. A small, but sharp pain passed through his nerves. It eased into only a slightly uncomfortable ache within a few seconds, and Obito slowly pushed his fingers fully into him.

Fingers still in his ass, Obito leaned closer and kissed him. Kakashi responded by parting his lips and licking Obito’s bottom lip. Obito sucked gently on his tongue, and pulled his fingers almost out ─ only to push them in harder again, making Kakashi moan into his mouth.

With the only lubrication being Obito’s saliva, the friction was noticeable and every time Obito slid his fingers in and out, it felt strangely good ─ pleasure starting to build up as the pain dulled. Panting, Obito pulled away and kissed his neck, combining a more bold push of his fingers with a sharp bite into his neck, teeth sinking hard into Kakashi’s skin, but not breaking it.

Kakashi groaned and turned his head to give Obito better access. He lifted his hips slightly of ground in silent approval. It hurt, he felt violated, abused and _good_ , and Kakashi didn’t care if that was sick.

Obito pulled out and tugged at his earlobe with his teeth. His hand stroked his rock-hard erection, hand softly cupping his balls ─ more to tease than to please, before pulling back from him yet again. Kakashi wined, being so turned it was almost painful.

In only a few seconds, Obito’s absence turned into something acing to torture.

“Don’t worry… I haven’t even started. I’ve yet to show you alive, Kakashi.”

Damn, if he hadn’t started, how was Kakashi supposed to last untill the end?

Obito pulled his own pants down, freeing his erect cock and stroking it a few times. Kakashi found the act oddly fascinating and erotic to watch. In the back of his mind he wondered how in hell Obito was going to get that into him without killing him and that only turned him on even more though it probably shouldn’t, had he been a mentally healthy individual.

Obito shifted closer, lifting Kakashi’s legs to wrap around his waist.

“Tell me what you want,” he demanded.

“Fuck. Take me, Obito. I want you inside me.”

Obito pressed into him slowly, taking time for Kakashi to get used to him little by little. Kakashi didn’t know whether he was thankful for that or not, and while he wasn’t sure he would have been able to take it otherwise, there was also that part of him ─ a part he couldn’t really explain ─ that simply wanted Obito to use him rough, hard and mercilessly, without caring of his comfort.

Even though that, it stung bitterly as Obito got inside him, but at the same time it gave him sinful pleasure ─ his size simply being inside him an incredible feeling. The thickness pressing against his walls was almost enough for him to reach climax ─ but he didn’t want that, not yet.

Kakashi took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

Finally he felt Obito’s thighs touching his ass and knew he was in.

Obito groaned. “Damn… you’re tight…”

Kakashi could only agree ─ he felt full close to breaking point. Obito remained still, buried inside him, allowing Kakashi to get used to the new, foreign feeling. Kakashi could barely take it ─ any movement would seem impossible ─ but still he did it. He tightened his legs around Obito and lifted himself up ─ the action instantly making him gasp for air him and fall back when he felt Obito’s cock shift inside him.  Obito moaned.

Kakashi closed his eyes, panting. “Please… Just use me. I can’t take it anymore.”

His hands moved to Obito’s neck and pulled him down. He kissed him violently, fingers clawed vehemently into Obito’s back, creating deep gashes as his nails cut into skin. His other hand pulled Obito’s hair, his nails raking down his scalp, making Obito groan. He bit into Obito’s lip hard enough to make it bleed, trying to evoke a more wanton, animalistic reaction that the ones Obito had given him earlier ─ despite his warnings, Kakashi could feel him holding back. He wanted Obito to let go.

Now.

With an enraged growl Obito pushed his shoulders back into the ground. One hand was wrapped around his neck, fingers clenching around it, not hard enough to strangle but enough to make Kakashi feel the pressure, Obito’s ability to choke him within seconds if he wanted to. Obito’s chakra flamed up uncontrollably, almost frightening him. Adrenaline rushed in his veins and his pulse quickened when Obito finally showed some of the darkness Kakashi had felt lurking inside him since they first reunited.

Their eyes met for a heart-stopping moment ─ something primal, almost inhuman ─ in Obito’s gaze.

Obito, having slipped out partly of him when Kakashi fell back to the ground, thrust into him hard and relentlessly, making his thighs and balls smash against Kakashi’s ass cheeks. Air left his lungs and he saw white, the muscles in his thighs contracting. Sharp pain flowed tough his body.

Still not having collected himself or caught his breath, Obito withdrew and slammed into him a second time with equal force. Kakashi’s heart fluttered. The pain was still there; raw and sore and throbbing inside him along with Obito’s pulsing, hot cock, but a wave of pleasure followed, so powerful the pain was barely noticeable in comparison.

Obito pulled out and pushed into him again, movements starting out relatively slow, but aggressive, forceful and brutal, soon picking up speed in a way that no non-shinobi would have been able to fuck. Kakashi couldn’t speak, he could barely breathe, and yeah, he did finally feel _alive_. He had never felt this alive before ─ heck; he didn’t even think he was capable of feeling something so strongly. Kakashi didn’t know if his body could take much more. Would he really be able to handle Obito, or would this be his undoing?

It didn’t matter ─ he wanted this.

Every thrust resulted in a twinge of burning pain, but under the circumstances it was barely evident enough for Kakashi to notice. It was nowhere close to unbearable, and as the pleasure grew it faded away into the background. The smell of arousal was thick and the temperature seemed to have risen in the small clearing. Obito’s breathing turned heavy, sweat ran down his muscular, scarred body mixing with blood and the grip around Kakashi’s neck tightened, but Kakashi was only vaguely aware of that.

Obito inside him felt intense beyond what he had imagined, and when he moved, hitting deep, their bodies colliding, the sensation seemed to be out of this world. It wasn’t just the physical ─ it was the emotional aspect of submitting to Obito, the knowledge that he had no control over what was happening anymore and that Obito was finally using him selfishly because he lost control of himself which sent him over the edge. Everything turned into a tunnel vision focused on Obito alone.

He didn’t know how long time that had passed ─ it could have been hours or it could have been seconds ─ but when Obito pounded into him again Kakashi reached orgasm, warm seed spurting out between their bodies. Obito lost pace and after a few thrusts more he came inside him, hot wetness filling him up and bringing even further pleasure.

He heard something, probably Obito, but─

Kakashi’s head spun, spots clouded his vision and he blacked out.

When he could make out his surroundings again, Obito had let his neck go and leaned heavily on his elbows. He was still panting and watching Kakashi intensively, eyes smoldering. Kakashi realized that he too, was breathing heavily, chest rising and falling rapidly. Obito’s eyes caught his and he leaned down to lick over Kakashi’s abdomen, warm tongue tasting his semen. Kakashi found himself surprised his insides still hand enough strength to twist.

Obito pulled out and let his weight fall down on him, body leaning heavy over his as their bodies pressed flush against one another’s. Kakashi’s heart hammered in his chest and he felt lightheaded because of the lack of oxygen, but also completely satisfied. The aroused frenzy he had been in turned into haziness of fulfillment, a sort of dizzy happiness he had never experienced before ─ Kakashi blamed it on overstimulated nerves, and hormones and endorphins gone crazy, but the truth was he felt as if he were on drugs.

He had been, once, after an operation a few years ago. Generally Kakashi refused any form of painkillers, preferring to have his awareness intact even if it meant enduring the pain, but that time he had been given no choice and had been too injured make any protest. He remembered feeling giddy when he woke up, brain high on whatever the medics had injected into his blood flow when unconscious, but that happiness was shallow. He knew it wasn’t real.

This time, it was different. Even though he knew that this state of mind would pass, the death of Rin still hanging on his shoulders ─ at least he somehow felt he had given something back to Obito. It wasn’t a compensation ─ he would never be good enough for that, he couldn’t do that, and it wasn’t like either him or Obito wanted him to take Rin’s place ─ but he had given _something_.

It wouldn’t heal their gaping wounds, but just perhaps it could be enough to be an analgesic ointment to revile the suffering ─ if only for a moment ─ from their war-torn souls.

Perhaps, it would be enough to find the will to go on living, and the strength to fight one more day.

Their breathing evened out; their heart rates gradually slowed down. Kakashi’s bruised body was aching and sore, his scratches stung and his arm cramped in pain, but to Kakashi, it had been all worth it. Obito was alive, Kakashi was alive and thought of life no longer felt more suffocating than death.

Also, however impossible it might seem, Kakashi was now sure of it ─ he was awake and this was _real_.

Obito stood up and got dressed. “I have to leave, Kakashi.”

Kakashi felt sleepy and didn’t want to move, but when he heard that, he sat up. Every muscle in his body protested at the simple motion but Kakashi ignored them. “Where are you going?”

“Don’t ask. We’ll meet again, for better or for worse.” Obito turned around to give him a smile, not exactly happy ─ his face was far too broken and bitter to produce one ─ but it was genuine all the same. “Someday… I will fill that void in your heart completely.”

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Kakashi warned, but Obito was already gone.

Kakashi saw no use in staying anymore, not without Obito. He was in terrible need of a shower and it would be the most pleasant for everyone around if Kakashi got back before anybody found the note he had left behind.

“Like I’m one to scold him, after pulling that.”

He chuckled softly and it felt as easy as breathing.

Kakashi looked at his hands, once again giving him peace of mind when realized they were still clean. It almost felt too good to last, but the thought of not having to wash his hands, over and over again without ever getting them clean, felt like a bliss. Maybe even the nightmares would subside and leave him alone, at least for a short time.

“I’m sorry Rin, Minato. For scaring you.

“Dad. Looks like we’re not meeting quite so soon after all. I’ve already broken one promise I made him and I don’t intend to break another one. I am going to live. All those years ago… I don’t blame you for it, but… I do wish someone had been around to stop you that day.”

Kakashi’s head fell back, eyes closing. His hand clenched.

“Obito. Come back soon.”

_I will always be waiting._

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! So I’m actually pretty happy with this. At the moment. God knows, tomorrow I might be cringing over it like a worm stuck on a hook. There’s some OCCness- mostly because something like this simply wouldn’t have happened in canon, but I tried to keep them in character as much as the fanfiction allowed. I’ve always wondered how close Kakashi came to committing suicide- with his life as hard as it’s been, I can’t help but think that he at least must have had the thoughts. Also, remember Kakashi yet knows nothing of Obito’s plans or the Akatsuki exc. He doesn’t know Obito just killed the Uchiha. Because of the whole suicide attempt; he’s a bit in a daze about everything and by the time he realizes it’s not just some illusion his mind is already focused elsewhere. *wink, wink*
> 
> I’m almost scared of publishing this after the lovely feedback I got on Stalker. (Don’t take that as a sign to stop leaving reviews/kudos- they’re also extremely motivating, let me tell you!) Guess I just don’t want to let you guys down. XD This one is a bit different from ‘Stalker’, I think. And it’s more explicit, though I doubt I’ll ever get super graphic in any of my sex-scenes. 
> 
> Please review. I love reviews. Tell me what you think. Thank you for reading! :D


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